Okay, considering this is a review for a novella the back story of how I actually ended up picking up this book is a bit longer.
I’ve been sitting on this review for a month now, not exactly sure how to approach this. You see I don’t purposely choose books I know I’m going to dislike to go on and review them for that reason. I can find other ways to waste my time if I want–marathon-ing Buffy for instance–so I didn’t pick up Jodie Sloan’s Once Bitten knowing that I would hate this book. I picked it up because I wanted to read a BBW paranormal romance.
Now I’m all too happy I “bought” the novella off Amazon Kindle.
I got the free sampler of the first part of a novella series. Specifically a PNR BBW erotic series, but who’s really nit-picking the details.
The main thing is the book was free and it was bad.
I mean bad. (I thought it deserved a highlight.)
The book was free, so I don’t care as much as I would if I actually paid for this because…yes, well you know, bad.
And because I didn’t like this I’m going to give it a bit more attention–explain my rating and all.
Caution: I will be dropping (racy) spoilers here and there… You’ve been warned.
1) the characterization was god-awful. I didn’t sympathize or care for the H/h (Josh and Sal), I didn’t care for the only other secondary character (Sal’s friend, Anne). Case in point, “…Anne was trying her very best to get her friends [sic] mind off of a certain someone. They had talked about it at length and there were even times that Anne was a little jealous of her friend and the connection that she made with Josh.”
Why is this written from Anne’s perspective? The author could have made it more evocative if she spun it from the heroine’s side…you know, without making the whole “jealous” bit all that annoying to read.
2) this book is a great example of telling rather than showing: “Josh looked at Sal and they began to run into the forest, showing a little baby bump and the revelation that they were with child. They were going to be a family and they couldn’t be happier.” (And it goes on…) “Unfortunately, they weren’t alone and found themselves being watched by a man with a scruffy beard and wearing hunter’s clothes.
So I don’t get it… Are they aware this guy is watching them.
3) mythology…I read PNR for great plotting, careful plotting that weaves together some good mythology; all we learn from this book is that Josh was bitten by some African-American slave and that for 160 years he’s been dealing with his werewolf-ism… That’s it. And the most effed up thing is that based off of this info–oh and the fact that she’s “in wuv” with Josh, Sal’s all gung-ho about becoming a werewolf too.
“I just feel excluded from a part of your life that is very much a part of you and I want to know you and the wolf inside. The only way to do that is for me to walk in your shoes and become a true couple with the same affliction and maybe have your children.”
That’s like saying “the only way we can be a true couple is if I get hit by a car and become physically handicapped, too, sweetheart”.
4) euphemisms. Gawd, stop with the vague language. I’m reading an ADULT title so I expect a little maturity from the narrative. I can handle my naughty, thank you very much. I don’t need my hand held, dear Author. Here’s a sample of what I put up with:
“[…] his hand up on her inner thigh, so close to her treasure trove that she was almost screaming out for him to go further.”
“‘I love YOUUUUUUUU.” She felt her body tremble and her insides begin to quake, squeezing and convulsing around his mean meant. She could feel his cock swelling to mammoth proportions, the head about to let go with a volcanic white hot substance that would keep her coming back for more.”
Uhh, no. You should be dead if we’re talking lava…
“I’m…I’m CUMMMMMING.” His body betrayed him and it had only taken 20 minutes to hit the right buttons.
The hurt and pain of being alone was his weight to carry on his shoulders and she touched his chest and ran her finger down until she had met the V leading to the promised land.
Almost done guys…
5) the pace was really the last nail in the coffin; it was all over the place in terms of pacing. It jumped around and although I’m all for moving the story along, I’m also even MORE about not wanting to fork my eyes out as I read…so yeah. Timeline is crap.
In writing this review I feel it’s my duty to stress that I’m not bashing indie books.
That isn’t what this is about.
True, I haven’t read too much indie material, BUT I would recommend some of the few I have read and that are testimonies to the merits of well-written self-pubbed fiction. (i.e. Beth Fred, Christa Wick, Christin Lovell are some of the few).
And for the sake of amusement, one more quote… Because Josh’s “climaxes were always legendary”, Sal decides to give it a test run… Question of the day: can guys climax while sleeping–err, can Josh climax while sleeping? (And no, wet dreams don’t count.)
He was asleep before she finished, but that didn’t stop her from continuing her exploration of his flesh, until she felt the rising of his balls and then the flow of hot cum that made her smile on the outside as well as the inside.
|Something tells me Josh is the kinda guy who’s MIA at every party. And apparently his own climax.|